Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #11
January 30, 2002
Reviews are archived at http://www.asstr.org/~TaintedLime/.
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Stories reviewed in this issue:
Lynn and Kerry, by STUPID HOE (* *)
The Princess and the Pea, by Oosh (* * * * *)
New Year's Day at the Tittie Bar, by Writerzblocked (* * *)
Turnabout is kind play, by iambe (* * *)
Continuing Education, by Knuts (* *)
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{ASSM} Lynn and Kerry (MF, FF, wife, first les)
By STUPID HOE <munchkinbear@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34928
Kerry moved in next door to Lynn and Alex. Lynn and Kerry went to
the mall. Lynn and Kerry tried on lingerie at Victoria's Secret.
Lynn thought Kerry had nice breasts. Lynn went home and fucked
Alex. Lynn got together with Kerry. Lynn and Kerry had sex.
This is told with short, simple sentences. I am normally a
big fan of short, simple sentences, but when strung together in a
story this long, and with many repeated phrases and words, it
quickly became tedious. It didn't help that when sentences got
longer than a dozen words, grammatical errors were invariably
introduced. There were also no quotation marks around the
dialogue, and many missing apostrophes.
In spite of all these problems, Munchkinbear almost pulls this
story off. The short sentences are, on occasion, artfully strung
together. During the sex scenes, the rhythm of the prose works.
If you like Hemmingway, you'll find things in this to
admire.
But the plot is weak, and the problems overwhelm everything that
is good here. While I think the style of writing used in this
story can be effective, it isn't an easy task.
Rating: * *
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{ASSM} The Princess and the Pea (FF, f-solo) [Oosh]
By Oosh <Oosh@gmx.NOSPAM.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34961
The King and Queen have a problem. Their only son must find a
bride, but none of local princesses are good enough for the
thirty-one-year-old geek prince. Every prospect has failed one
test or another.
And then, one stormy night, Princess Fallopia from the land of
Labia Minora shows up on their doorstep. She knows which spoon to
use to eat soup, and she knows how to eat a chicken leg. And that
leaves just one test left to pass.
Fallopia is tucked into bed under a pile of blankets, and on top
is placed a vibrating scepter. Is Fallopia a true princess? Read
the and find out!
While it may not have as much sex as some stories, there is a
constant undercurrent of teasing, and there is enough actual
genital stimulation for all but the most callused reader. But
even without the sex, this is very clever and funny. I
enjoyed every minute I spent reading it.
Rating: * * * * *
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{ASSM} (New WZB) "New Year's Day at the Tittie Bar" (nosex)
By Writerzblocked <writerzblocked@aol.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34940
This is the second Tittie Bar from Writerzblocked I've
read. I'm not sure if this one was better than the first or if
the series is just growing on me, but I liked this one a lot
more than the first.
It's the day after New Year's Eve at the Tittie Bar, and Mr.
Gilbeaux is just dropping in on his way into work. Apparently he
left cards in everyone's Christmas a week or so ago
and wants to make sure everyone received their gifts.
There is not even much hint of sex in this story. What you have
instead is a who spends so much time in this particular
topless bar that he knows everybody, knows how everything works,
and knows what's going on in everyone's life.
By the time I got to the end of the story, I couldn't help ask
myself: what's a nice guy like this doing spending all his free
time in a Tittie Bar?
Because it is told completely in snippets of unattributed
dialogue, the was confusing at times, but New Year's Day
was a lot less confusing than the first Tittie Bar I
reviewed. I enjoyed reading this one, but I prefer a little more
sex - or at least nudity - in my stories.
Rating: * * *
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{ASSM} Turnabout is kind play [iambe]
By iambe <iambe@gmx.NOSPAM.net>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34975
This contains no capital letters and stretches the
boundaries of grammar almost to the breaking point. It is as much
poetry as it is story. Therein lies its appeal, but I'm afraid it
also limits its audience.
As the begins, a graduate student has finished her thesis
and is celebrating with her thesis advisor. The advisor has been
a all her life but has never done anything about it. Now
it is time for the pupil to teach the teacher.
In most fiction, the grammar used in the dialogue is less formal
than the surrounding prose. In this story, the reverse is true,
which felt weird to me. The teacher also has aureoles where her
areolas should be, but that is just a minor anatomical problem.
In spite of the unusual writing style, the is still
coherent and readable. The plot is a good one, and sex told in
this distinctive style is interesting. The never quite
gelled, though. While I'm glad I read it, the poetic framework
didn't quite add enough to make this a big hit.
Rating: * * *
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{ASSM} Continuing Ed. (mild D/s, MMMF)
By Knuts <redhead_bob@yahoo.com>
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2002/34985
This is a stream-of-consciousness told by a rehabilitation
therapist who is away from home at a conference. After a grueling
day learning all the latest techniques, she stops off at a bar,
lights up a big doobie, drinks a couple beers, and makes eyes at
the three bikers playing pool across the room.
As she gets ready to leave the bar, the bikers take her hotel
room keys away from her. They take her into her room, bind her to
the bed, and proceed to have their way with the very horny
therapist.
I don't think I've ever seen a stream-of-consciousness in
this newsgroup that worked very well, and this one is no
exception. The is paced very badly, a problem that I think
is inherent in the point of view. This also suffers from too
many formatting problems, spelling problems, and grammar problems.
The concept behind the isn't bad, and I liked the ending.
The also benefits from a raw enthusiasm that kept me
reading even though the stop-and-go pace frequently annoyed me.
So, we have a good try here, but the bad decision on using stream-
of-consciousness was too hard to overcome.
Rating: * *
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